I fell in love with my titties again at the age of 23
I recently turned 25, so that was about two years ago when I looked in the mirror or looked down after snapping my bra off and thought, “damn, these look good.”
See, no one tells you about how to accept the flaws that come with a developing body. We learn that we develop, grow a bit more, stop, grow a bit more, have babies and then it all goes to shit. Right? WRONG. I was feeling like I had saggy boobs by the time I was 21 and I was trying to figure out when and how that happened. I mean, I know gravity is a thing but how in the world were my breasts sitting so low?! Or were they?
Let’s rewind a bit here, I may be all over the place and thinking out loud. When I finally started wearing bras, I wore them 24/7 .. outside of taking a bath, I kept my bra on. I was convinced that I was “training” my boobs to sit up at all times. Since I kept my bra on, they’d never drop below their perky position.. so I thought.
You know how you hear about the girls that magically wake up with boobs? Like, one day you’re flat chest then BOOM, the sun is up and shining and you have a pair of C cups sitting on your chest? That was me. No lie. Maybe not a C cup out the gate but I actually didn’t need a bra until I was 13. I vividly remember all the girls in 4th and 5th grade wearing training bras and I was still wearing tank tops as undershirts so my nipples wouldn’t poke all the way through my t-shirt. In fact, the art teacher at the Boys and Girls Club bought me my first training bra. It was pink and was the basic triangle shape, cotton material, and it snapped in the front. My brother told my mom and wanted to make a huge joke out of it.
My mama felt so bad that her baby wanted to be developed and was a late bloomer (she was a late bloomer too) so she went to the store and bought me a few more bras for me to wear. I really didn’t need them but I was so happy to have them in my drawer. I wore them everyday, all day. It really wasn’t until I got in the 8th grade that I actually needed to wear a bra .. actually, more like 9th grade. I remember getting measured for new bras and beaming with pride that I was a perky B cup at the age of 14. It took a while to get there but I was so excited.
Now, I won’t take you through the full history of my development because that’s not why we’re here. But, what I will fast forward to is the time where I didn’t feel like my breast were up to par. I don’t know if it was the height of plastic surgery, realizing that my boobs weren’t that perfect round shape, or seeing my younger sisters develop more and reminisce on when my breast sat up that high. Maybe it was a combination of both but suddenly, I reverted back to that girl that needed to keep a bra on at all times. “Maybe I can train them again and have them back in a better position..” is what I would think to myself. But, life doesn’t work that way.
I was losing confidence and I was losing it fast. I know our physical features aren’t what define us most but damn, sometimes you just want to feel good about all of you. [Click to Tweet] I wanted that same excitement back, I wanted to feel the way I felt when I got my first bra. I didn’t know where to find it but I found myself connecting with something .. rather, someone. Rihanna. Honestly, this woman can do no wrong. But, I noticed that she was always braless and she never gave AF about it, so unapologetic.
There are so many pictures of Rihanna without a bra, hell sometimes without a shirt as well but she was so confident with it. Beaming with pride that her boobs were out and about, she showed them off like they were newborn babies from a natural water birth.
I noticed something else though .. and I promise I’m not weird, but me and Rihanna had a similar boob shape. I swear. She didn’t have a perfectly round cup but more so a perky, pointy, almost triangular shape about hers. BITCH, ME TOO!! I’m sure there are other women around me with this shape but .. when you have the chance to relate to Rihanna, oh you best to believe I’m gonna make it work for me. As much as people tried to shame her into covering up or being more ‘modest’, she refused and did what made her feel most confident, what made her feel sexy. No matter the outfit or occasion her boobs were right there on display and she could care less about anyone being uncomfortable or disapproving.
I remember her telling a reporter during an interview with ELLE Magazine that she wanted to “take advantage of my titties before they go south”, that was at the age of 29. Why in the world did I feel like at the age of 22, my boobs had done all they could do for me in this life?!
No one had ever said a bad thing about my boobs but here I was trying to cover them up, keep them concealed behind bras at all times. I think a part of me was just waiting on someone to give me a bad look if I went braless and maybe I was in my head more than I should have been, but one day… I stopped caring. One day, I threw on a shirt and didn’t bother to throw on a bra under it. One day, I grabbed my breasts and thought, ‘Damn these look good.’ [Click to Tweet]
You never realize how much representation matters until you’re going through a phase or some sort of breakdown. I needed to see features like mine and to see someone else be unapologetic about not fitting into the box of being ‘perfect’. [Click to Tweet]
I channeled my inner Rihanna and demanded that the world love me and all that I come with. Even if I wasn’t the perfect teardrop boob shape or the dreamy C cup, I had boobs kinda sorta similar to Rihanna and I found a piece of confidence that allowed me to walk with my chest poked out. So, thank you Rih Rih girl and to the women who read this and have felt a bit insecure about the changes your boobs have gone through, grab your tits and know that they’re fuckin’ amazing just the way they are.
Until next time,