Rihanna Helped Me Love My Boobs

I fell in love with my titties again at the age of 23

I recently turned 25, so that was about two years ago when I looked in the mirror or looked down after snapping my bra off and thought, “damn, these look good.”

See, no one tells you about how to accept the flaws that come with a developing body. We learn that we develop, grow a bit more, stop, grow a bit more, have babies and then it all goes to shit. Right? WRONG. I was feeling like I had saggy boobs by the time I was 21 and I was trying to figure out when and how that happened. I mean, I know gravity is a thing but how in the world were my breasts sitting so low?! Or were they?

Let’s rewind a bit here, I may be all over the place and thinking out loud. When I finally started wearing bras, I wore them 24/7 .. outside of taking a bath, I kept my bra on. I was convinced that I was “training” my boobs to sit up at all times. Since I kept my bra on, they’d never drop below their perky position.. so I thought.

Younger Naé, 14. — A new member of the B cup tribe

Younger Naé, 14. — A new member of the B cup tribe

You know how you hear about the girls that magically wake up with boobs? Like, one day you’re flat chest then BOOM, the sun is up and shining and you have a pair of C cups sitting on your chest? That was me. No lie. Maybe not a C cup out the gate but I actually didn’t need a bra until I was 13. I vividly remember all the girls in 4th and 5th grade wearing training bras and I was still wearing tank tops as undershirts so my nipples wouldn’t poke all the way through my t-shirt. In fact, the art teacher at the Boys and Girls Club bought me my first training bra. It was pink and was the basic triangle shape, cotton material, and it snapped in the front. My brother told my mom and wanted to make a huge joke out of it.

My mama felt so bad that her baby wanted to be developed and was a late bloomer (she was a late bloomer too) so she went to the store and bought me a few more bras for me to wear. I really didn’t need them but I was so happy to have them in my drawer. I wore them everyday, all day. It really wasn’t until I got in the 8th grade that I actually needed to wear a bra .. actually, more like 9th grade. I remember getting measured for new bras and beaming with pride that I was a perky B cup at the age of 14. It took a while to get there but I was so excited.

Young Naé, 16. — Goodbye B cups, hello perky Cs

Young Naé, 16. — Goodbye B cups, hello perky Cs

Now, I won’t take you through the full history of my development because that’s not why we’re here. But, what I will fast forward to is the time where I didn’t feel like my breast were up to par. I don’t know if it was the height of plastic surgery, realizing that my boobs weren’t that perfect round shape, or seeing my younger sisters develop more and reminisce on when my breast sat up that high. Maybe it was a combination of both but suddenly, I reverted back to that girl that needed to keep a bra on at all times. “Maybe I can train them again and have them back in a better position..” is what I would think to myself. But, life doesn’t work that way.

Photo:  @ayammaya.jpg

I was losing confidence and I was losing it fast. I know our physical features aren’t what define us most but damn, sometimes you just want to feel good about all of you. [Click to Tweet] I wanted that same excitement back, I wanted to feel the way I felt when I got my first bra. I didn’t know where to find it but I found myself connecting with something .. rather, someone. Rihanna. Honestly, this woman can do no wrong. But, I noticed that she was always braless and she never gave AF about it, so unapologetic.

tumblr_p2b9clLxWo1urbkl7o3_500.gif

There are so many pictures of Rihanna without a bra, hell sometimes without a shirt as well but she was so confident with it. Beaming with pride that her boobs were out and about, she showed them off like they were newborn babies from a natural water birth.

I noticed something else though .. and I promise I’m not weird, but me and Rihanna had a similar boob shape. I swear. She didn’t have a perfectly round cup but more so a perky, pointy, almost triangular shape about hers. BITCH, ME TOO!! I’m sure there are other women around me with this shape but .. when you have the chance to relate to Rihanna, oh you best to believe I’m gonna make it work for me. As much as people tried to shame her into covering up or being more ‘modest’, she refused and did what made her feel most confident, what made her feel sexy. No matter the outfit or occasion her boobs were right there on display and she could care less about anyone being uncomfortable or disapproving.

I remember her telling a reporter during an interview with ELLE Magazine that she wanted to “take advantage of my titties before they go south”, that was at the age of 29. Why in the world did I feel like at the age of 22, my boobs had done all they could do for me in this life?!

No one had ever said a bad thing about my boobs but here I was trying to cover them up, keep them concealed behind bras at all times. I think a part of me was just waiting on someone to give me a bad look if I went braless and maybe I was in my head more than I should have been, but one day… I stopped caring. One day, I threw on a shirt and didn’t bother to throw on a bra under it. One day, I grabbed my breasts and thought, ‘Damn these look good.’ [Click to Tweet]

Rihanna-Celebrates-FENTY-BEAUTY-BY-RIHANNA-New-York-USA-07-Sep-2017.jpg

You never realize how much representation matters until you’re going through a phase or some sort of breakdown. I needed to see features like mine and to see someone else be unapologetic about not fitting into the box of being ‘perfect’. [Click to Tweet]

I channeled my inner Rihanna and demanded that the world love me and all that I come with. Even if I wasn’t the perfect teardrop boob shape or the dreamy C cup, I had boobs kinda sorta similar to Rihanna and I found a piece of confidence that allowed me to walk with my chest poked out. So, thank you Rih Rih girl and to the women who read this and have felt a bit insecure about the changes your boobs have gone through, grab your tits and know that they’re fuckin’ amazing just the way they are.

Until next time,

Xx,

GH.

Big Dick Energy. GET SOME

Confidence without Cockiness ..

When you hear the phrase “Big Dick Energy” who or what comes to your mind?

For me, I automatically think of Rihanna; Her confidence, her style, her .. confidence. The way she’s able to capture an audience full of people with a simple look or how she wears a simple t shirt but her energy makes it much more than a t shirt. It’s just her all around confidence that makes you think, “Damn. That’s Big Dick Energy.”

Now, let’s rewind here actually. Before you get to thinking “Rihanna doesn’t have a penis .. I don’t have a penis .. how in the hell does Big Dick Energy relate to me?” OH SIS. It relates. Someone on Twitter explained it perfectly last year:

“ 'big dick energy' is confidence without cockiness. it is never misplaced, and it cannot be simulated. it is the sexual equivalent of writing a check for $10K knowing you got it in the bank account thank you for attending my TEDxTalk “-@priya_ebrooks

So .. why this topic? I’m glad you asked. 

I think we all hit a point in life where our confidence goes down just a tad. Maybe we don’t feel as beautiful as we used to or we don’t feel as accomplished. Honestly, the whole aspect of comparison culture has kicked in and we go through bouts of not feeling up to par with so many different standards. Just me? Oh .. cool. Well, when you possess a certain energy .. Big Dick Energy if you will, it literally doesn’t matter what you look like, what your occupation is, or what other people in your field, industry, lane .. what ever, are doing. It’s all about YOU AND HOW YOU CARRY YOURSELF. 

I won’t keep you long, I just want to share a few tips and tricks on how you can walk and talk BDE and spread that energy everywhere you go. Ready? 


  1. Make Fear Your Bitch: 

Honestly, the concept of fear is so strange right?! Especially when you know you’re destined from something but you’re holding back or scared, why is that? Actually, it doesn’t matter because remember .. BIG DICK ENERGY. Move past fear and KNOW WHO YOU ARE. The things that terrify you? Do them and do them wholeheartedly, even if it’s something as simple as shooting your shot with someone … DO IT! “Fear? I don’t know her.”

2. Be In the Room 

How many times have you gone to an event or even a party or stood back in the corner? Or felt like you weren’t deserving of being there? I can’t lie, I’ve done that but it reminds me of something my mom told me before. “You’re in that room for a reason, embrace that you’re there and BE in the room.” Don’t just exist when you go somewhere, COMMAND the room and make your presence known. [Click to Tweet] Even if it’s just by one person, you didn’t step out just to be a fly on the wall. Where’s the fun in that? 


3. Make Your Next Move Your Best Move

Okay, cliche saying but hear me out. How many times have you started a new project or some type of new venture just to get bored with it and leave it behind? I’ll raise my hand in shame as well. BUT, the next thing you want to tap into, do it with intention and make it your best thing yet. Let that BDE take over and turn you into a boss, let that project that you’re starting to become so successful that it creates another business idea for you which turns into you creating a multi million dollar empire for yourself. In this age of social media, we see it happen so often, so it’s not a far fetched idea. Picture yourself at the head of a round table calling the shots in your finest power suit.. Thaaaats Big Dick Energy. [Click to Tweet]

4. Be Unapologetic

STOP. ASKING. FOR. PERMISSION. Do what you want to do, wear what you want to wear, and always say what you want to say. Don’t wait for approval from others to live life on your terms. Don’t dim your light in order to make others feel comfortable. The great thing about BDE is that it encourages others that are around you to step their sh*t up too. When you live a life that’s unapologetic, you inspire others (knowingly and unknowingly) to do the same. [Click to Tweet] Don’t keep it to yourself!

Confidence is key to navigating life especially when we have direct access to so many people’s highlight reels these days. Walk the walk and talk the talk, remember who you are AT ALL TIMES and tap into your BDE Power!

What are some other ways we can tap into Big Dick Energy? Let me know below!

Until Next Time,

Xx,

GBH


Overlooked, Still Wvrthy

There’s a quote from one of my favorite movies ‘Bring it On’ where the head captain of the Compton Clovers Isis, tells Torrance and the rest of the Toros squad:

“Every time we get some, here y'all come trying to steal it, putting some blonde hair on it and calling it something different.”

isis-1.gif

That was back in 2000, fast forward to 2019 and the quote still remains true. Black women have always been at the forefront of every trend and every fashion statement but it’s not considered mainstream and “cool” until our white counterparts hop on board and put their own spin (or lack of) on it. For Youtuber and make up extraordinaire, Chelsie Worthy (@wvrthy on socials), this is her reality and she took to social media earlier this week to speak out against the copycats and mimicking of her viral videos, Traptorials.

Chelsie Worthy / Youtube

Chelsie Worthy / Youtube

Traptorials caught the attention of everyone on social media in 2017, Worthy’s video went viral and really brought a different vibe to make up tutorials. As a girl who enjoys makeup looks and trap music, Chelsie’s videos felt like home. Like a safe space for the girls who aren’t “cookie cutter” [Click to Tweet] and she was also a brown girl, which made me fall in love even more. HELLO REPRESENTATION!! I loved that her videos were very unapologetic and full of personality, it was very much .. “If you rock with what I’m doing, great .. if not, that’s okay too”. Her following grew by the thousands on both her YouTube channel and on social media alike. However, she wasn’t one of the main beauty influencers you would see getting PR opportunities or brand collaborations. It’s honestly mind blowing because she brings something so original to the makeup world, it’s hard to not acknowledge it, right?

It wasn’t until recently that Chelsie spoke up about the lack of opportunity and support she receives from the beauty community. When known Youtuber/Beauty Influencer Patrick Starr created a video to review a new eye shadow palette, there was something very familiar about his choice of editing. I watched it and automatically thought of Chelsie’s “Traptorial” videos and apparently, I wasn’t alone. Many of her supporters took to Twitter and Instagram demanding that she be credited for the inspiration behind the video and that black women receive more recognition for their originality.

I was able to talk with Chelsie and her response to receiving the support on social media was, “The love and support I received was overwhelming, unexpected, and I’m forever grateful to everyone who stood and still stands with me. This is bigger than me, it’s really about the plight of the little guy/girl finding their voice and speaking truth to power.”

Her speaking out was definitely powerful. Regardless of the ‘angry black woman’ stereotype or being hit with the ‘can’t we all just win together?’ narrative that people like to bombard you with, it’s important to stand up for yourself. No matter if you have 2,000 followers or 5 million, when you create something unique, it’s a huge slap in the face when someone runs off with the sauce and doesn’t even attempt to let people know where they received their inspiration from.

We see so many times that people want to downplay the contributions that black women give to pop culture and lifestyle industries. [Click to Tweet]

It’s always too urban or deemed ghetto until it’s mainstream, then it becomes a ‘Top 10 Trend’. So many times we’re told that nothing is ever brand new and that everything is constantly reinvented, however, when you put in so much time to create something that not only speaks to you but also to a community of women that feels underrepresented, it’s heartbreaking when that is whitewashed and deemed ‘groundbreaking’ .

“It’s incredibly disheartening and only those people who have been in this position can truly understand how discouraging it is. Despite other people’s opinions, I’m still standing up for myself and the truth of the matter is I created this concept in the beauty community.” - Chelsie Worthy

While speaking out against the beauty community and sharing her frustrations about the lack of support and opportunity, Chelsie also shared that social media has become a dark place at times and she’s discouraged from further sharing her content. Those feelings aren’t uncommon for content creators in this digital space but they can occur more often when you have thousands of people watching your every move and waiting to critique you. She shared with me her ways of staying grounded and connected offline, “I enjoy working out, meditating, drawing and writing in my spare time off-line. By indulging in other activities it’s a reminder that I possess more depth than I reveal online.”

I love that she wasn’t afraid of being political and didn’t care to play by the rules of the industry. While the beauty industry is a business, there’s still a thing called common courtesy and giving credit where credit is due. For black women, especially darker-tone black women, they’re working twice as hard to be seen and given the same opportunities as their white counterparts as well as lighter-tone black women. Because, let’s be real .. colorism is still a thing and it remains relevant when selecting faces and personalities for opportunities. It’s even caused Chelsie to have what she describes as “dark days” due to being overlooked for being more urban and as a dark skin woman.

She told me, “There are times when the online community at large can be so hateful and toxic that one can’t help to view themselves in a negative light.  I love who I am becoming because I’m realizing that I am stronger than I never knew I was. I refuse to allow negativity and toxicity to define who I am as a person.”

Since addressing the beauty industry and its more prominent influencers, Chelsie was credited as ‘Editing Inspo’ for Patrick Starr’s recent video. More could have been done as soon as she spoke out but, it’s still up to all members of the beauty industry to rally for equal treatment and equal opportunities for those making an effort to be seen.

Chelsie made it clear that she is in no way a victim. She’s simply someone that decided to use her platform and her voice, “ I hope in doing so, this helps someone else to find their voice. “